The ‘Talking Era’
Today, young women have a term that describes an important phase in a relationship: ‘the talking era’. It’s a stage in a relationship with a man where you are restricted to speaking and no touching. This is great strategy to preserve the feelings of both people and get to know your date. But I have some thoughts and concerns on trickery and misogynistic men. Misogyny is when a man wants a woman to feel unlucky or simply degraded. If you’re talking with a misogynist, he will play along until he has access to your deepest feelings. ‘Pick up art’ is a men’s dating movement which teaches a hostility towards women. These men have been called hateful and misogynistic for their views on women and sex and accused of rape advocacy and multiple instances and of rape depicted in Roosh V’s books. That one night stand you just had? Gender Based Violence. When we reject these men we are often seen as undeniably selfish, problematic, stubborn or lesbian. (There’s nothing wrong with being a lesbian, but the way women’s identities are weaponized by abusers, regardless of our orientation)
But here’s my concern as a woman who wants to be a part of a women’s movement, that includes ALL women. What are we doing as elder women to prevent Pick Up Art scenarios from happening to our youth? I see the way sexuality is presented online today, and it reminds me of all the pressure I felt when I was a young girl/woman to be sexually available to the boys around me, and how those pressures made me feel. I remember that, and then I also remember that the online culture was not nearly as omnipresent as it is today, and I wonder if and how that could be making those pressures even worse for girls today. I have problems with female representation in online culture. A friend of mine who suffered from bipolar disorder and whose life had [hit a real rut] was the person who first told me about Onlyfans. She didn’t want to do it, but felt like she’d have to. I think of myself, in a conversation like this, coming up with some feminist manifesto about the subjugation of women and girls, and how online culture perpetuating misogyny and patriarchy, but I didn’t because I was worried about her. I was worried that she might have already done it, or that she was being pressured, and so I told her “You gotta do what you gotta do” because I didn’t want to trigger her or make her think I rejected her. She was so lonely and I know that loneliness as a woman living with Schizoaffective Disorder. She told me that she couldn’t afford toilet paper, that she was going into public bathrooms, rolling it up and taking it home. She thought OnlyFans was the only option. I don’t believe women’s sexuality should be policed. But a woman who truly chooses to use her body to make a living on OnlyFans is different than a women in poverty posing for the sex industry because she feels it is the only option.
I don’t know what you think of young women today but they are bright, great communicators, story tellers, scientists, astronauts and pioneers of this new time in history. And they’re winning! :) Their marks are sky high. I know some teenagers who are getting 100% in their courses, becoming Presidents of their Financial Associations and pursuing Academic Backgrounds. This is really important progress and for the mentally ill we have safer and more secure spaces to be and thrive.
Is it progress that we decriminalize sex work? Or give condoms to Olympic Athletes for sex in the village? Or, introduce fat as a sex symbol? Do we ever want to have an escape from sexualization? We’re doing it to ourselves, we’re saying that it’s men, we’re ruining the patriarchy and then marrying white males.
I think that the people who fought for justice in 60’s, 70’s and 80’s have paved the way for diversity, inclusion and equity. These kids are incredible! In the last 30 years we have seen significant progress for basically any marginalized group. And now these groups are leading in industry, unions and are paid to do good in the world. They take climate action seriously and these people are not classic patriarchs. When some of the groups are speaking up about history, the online world is yelling at white supremacy that was lost sometime before the millennials. We are listening but sometimes feel the real guilt due to loss of culture.
We need to step up, in Canada and elsewhere in how we treat women’s issues. And thats a fact.
