Victoria Day Weekend
Yesterday, we went to Moosonee for a BBQ with our cousin’s family and friends. I had so much fun. It was so good for me to get out of my head and into a healthy environment. I even discussed employment options for September with J who’s VP of the Hospital here. I feel so blessed to be beside S and share these special memories with our cousins and their children.
They all work, even the women. They’re a real go-getter type of people with children and nannies and are fully employed. The wife of J just got a new position working for the Town of Moosonee. She is the Chief Administrative Officer and so far they have liked her contributions and suggestions for the town.
When I got home I decided to pray for the first time in a while. I had such a good day and felt the greatest thing had happened. my symptoms were like a spider web in the corner and I could focus and socialize with ease. S’s mom prays for me and we talk over the phone about God but since my schizophrenia symptoms 2 years ago, I have opted out of talking to God myself.
I started praying and the same scenes repeated in my mind, the same violent scenes about sexual abuses in the church that I have lost countless hours of sleep to and last night I spent hours in prayer. I was very affected by the scenes I saw. David de Rothschild was yelling “Facism” at the spiritual sexual abusers and shooting a machine gun at Christ. S woke up, it was about 3 am, and I was still praying. He told me to go to sleep and talked to me a bit about praying together at a different time.
This morning I looked up sexual abuse in the Catholic Church. According to Health Canada, over 300,000 children in Canada were abused by the Catholic Church between 1950 and 2020. Public safety Canada issued a warning about sexual abuse in the Catholic Faith being a particular betrayal and form of child molestation. Most of the victims were boys of Catholic Priests.
I can’t kick this and I have schizophrenia. When my mind goes in these directions, I find evidence that it is a spiritual experience and I struggle.
S has been really supportive. He told me if my Faith was really important he would pray with me or go to the Church together but I am very conflicted as to what I want to be a part of.
I think sometimes the symptoms or spiritual experiences drive me to strive for better in reality. I think that there is a lot of sexualization of both women and men in the media and it’s taught to them as young people that THAT is a form of empowerment when it is a particular form a societal grooming. How many of those watching are Christian? Our music, our OnlyFans, our media all suggests that girls who show themselves off have a right to. But how many of these participating are mentally ill, deprived and building they’re trusts with the Universe from New Age spirituality when they really need God’s son and the holy trinity to guide them.
I feel like when I look around, that I’ve failed as an elder Millennial to influence younger women to better themselves in the light of the Lord. The true faith is not in yoga. And it took me years to understand the value of that. I saw it as an exercise but it’s from a different religion and it opened me up to other gods and goddesses that don’t know the gospel. Praying to Jesus Christ on the path of righteousness is a worthwhile pursuit and one in which I will continue to struggle.
